Ugh! That little negative voice

“Nobody cares what you have to say.”

“You always start and never finish. Why bother?”

“You’re going to FAIL…AGAIN.”

I have a little demon in my head named M2. She’s constantly picking on me, pointing out how I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough…not “enough.” She’s non-stop. She’s never satisfied and always has something to piss-on about. Sometimes she takes over my mouth and not just my mind – I hear her complaining to my husband, a friend, a coworker. Sheesh, shut up already!

If I heard anyone having a conversation like this with a so-called friend, I’d tell them to drop them like a bad habit. The only problem is that habits are there for a reason. All habits have a payback. So the question I really have to ask is:

What am I getting out of this self-sabotage?

If I “can’t do it” then I don’t have to put out the effort. In essence, I blame someone else for not accomplishing the task because it’s “out of my hands” and the universe has deemed it that way. If it’s not my responsibility then no one can blame me if it doesn’t turn out perfect because “I told you I couldn’t do it.” Someone might denigrate my accomplishment (that is, denigrate me). If I accomplish something, someone might expect more from me. Wow, “more” is a lot of pressure.

Then why do I feel so guilty and defeated?

Because I’m denying myself something I crave…self respect….pride in my accomplishment…the joy of something that feeds my soul. Is it truly that hard to allow myself to shine?

God, help me to open my eyes to the “chatter” and recognize it for its falseness. Help me see and remember those things that bring me true, soul-satisfying joy and let them serve as a shield against the negative programming in my head. Please send your angels to help me so that I can use those gifts with which you've blessed me.

Majeeda Rosa