It’s Aliiiiiive!!

Yes, like the zombie dead, I’m back!   

Except for without all the gross decaying flesh and moaning. 

During these months away, I’ve been focusing on some of the things I value: relationships, spirituality and health among them.  In fact, I’ve been exploring what my values are.  You’d think I’d know them – don’t we all practice our values everyday through our behaviors?  Then I started really trying to define my values.   

And that’s where I fell down the rabbit hole. 

Trying to pinpoint my personal definition of each core value was hard!  Some values seemed to cluster together and define each other.  Trying to define a value without using the behaviors that demonstrate the value was very difficult.  One answer led to many answers and even more questions.  It became a maze of enlightenment with many “aha” moments. 

Hard work my friends.  And I’ve only explored one of my many values so far.  I’ll share my results with you soon. 

I invite you to explore your values with me.  Start with these questions and see where it takes you:

·        What do I value?

·        How do I define it?

·        What does it look like?

Majeeda Rosa

Just Be

The Cart before the Horse

I've been integrating healthy habits into my morning routine, one of which is a walk along the levy nearby. It's a beautiful walk that runs along a creek beside fields of horses and cows. I'm always rewarded...when I'm not caught up in my head.

Sometimes I have trouble living outside of my mind. I have to work at maintaining a proper balance of seeing the world "as it is" versus distorting it with my imagination. I catch myself ruminating over perceived lacks and building negative scenarios. I get angry at those I love, or myself, or the media, or anything else that contributes to my belief that I don't have enough...whatever.

Today on my walk I didn't see anything. Yes, my feet trod the path and I noticed little backyard gardens in a glance, but I was focused on building a future in my head of living without this or that...forever. I was angry at someone I love because of my expectations not being met. I could feel myself scowling, my lips set tight and shoulders tense.

In retrospect, there are a few things I could address about what was happening, but at that moment out on the levy only one thought occurred to me.

"Geez, Majeeda, you're creating your own reality right now. X isn't making you angry, YOU are, right here, right now."

Whether the scenarios I was building were true or not, I was making myself angry. This was something I could control. I was placing myself in this state of mind by my behavior. The moment I realized this, I let it go. Three minutes later I was grinching and getting angry again...and again, I stopped myself from being angry. I cycled through this a few times as I walked home. Hmmm...a habit. Not good.

I can't imagine life without emotion, but am I confusing emotion with a state of being? Are they perhaps different? Something new to explore. I think I'll begin to change this habit of my emotions controlling me.

How do you control your emotions? I'd love to hear in the comments below.

Just Be

Majeeda Rosa

Shadow Court

Here Ye, Here Ye! Court is now in session. Only the truth and nothing but the truth will be upheld in Shadow Court…

Shadow Court?

Everyone has a shadow side, that part of themselves that they don’t like or feel shameful about. Our shadows are made up of those emotions and actions that are considered unacceptable by our own judgment, whether influenced by our family or friends or society in general.

Some of these shadow selves are misjudged or misunderstood.

“Will speaking up please step forward? You there, what do you have to say for yourself? Nothing?” Speaking’s face burns as she mumbles something in the bailiff’s ear, eyes turned down. The bailiff says to the judge, “Speaking up is pushy and rude…not ladylike. She's been punished for it in the past.”

Ahhh…magic words, “in the past.” It’s amazing how much the past plays out in Shadow Court. When I go to Shadow Court (aka examining aspects of myself that cause me discomfort) I have to ask, is what I’m looking at REALLY what I’m looking at? Is this truly a villain? How long ago was this “definition” of the offending shadow aspect set? Does this definition serve me now? If it does then what’s a better way of demonstrating it?

Maybe there’s a bit of both good and bad here. For instance, speaking up can be aggressive or it can be assertive. What does it look like when it’s aggressive? What should it look like? How can it align with and support my values? How will I know I’m crossing the line?

The cross-examination continues...

The courtroom is packed tonight. I see arrogance sitting next to defensive, and insecure is waiting by the door. Interrupting keeps talking over conflict avoidance in the second row. Selfish and thoughtless don’t even realize the other is in attendance while judgment looks around with accusing eyes. Unmotivated laziness just said screw it and stayed home.

The docket is full, and tThe courtroom drama is thick tonight.

Lord, help me perceive what is real and what is not. Where shadows exist let me shine light so that all illusions are taken away. I want to grow in spirit and oneness.

Majeeda Rosa

Why Not Now?

A few words to ponder from my dear friend Wren:

More than 20 years ago, a very influential person told me that I spent too much time living in the future.  It has taken me all of these years to understand what he meant.  
 
I have generally lived each day an average of five to ten years in a future state of mind – catastrophizing my life away.  It’s time to catch up, to act my age so to speak.
 
I care very much about what quality of life I will live in my old age, which gets closer by the minute – more future living, but I caught myself!  I understand, though, the wisdom of living the age I am this very day.  The wisdom, too, of walking though each minute of today, aware that each successive minute (or fraction thereof) that I live is all that there is of a life lived presently.

I can plan for the future, as Eckhart Tolle says in the Power of Now, but such planning is done in the present.  
 
What time do you have?

My dear Papa, help me to be mindful of each precious moment and fully experience each as the gift it is. Let the future unfold in your design, as it will. Amen.

Wren

With a little help from my friends...

Since I was a young girl, I've always had trouble asking for help. Trouble with homework? No, I'll handle it. Trying to move a chair? Nope, I can do it. To this day, I have trouble admitting when I need help.

It's so....revealing.

You see, I'm supposed to be an expert on everything. Have a question? I can find the answer. Need assistance finishing something? I can provide it or know who can. Have an obscure or trivial thought? I probably know it's origin!

My strength comes from independence and self-reliance - I CAN DO IT (she says as she rolls up her sleeves in a Rosy the Riveter pose). I not only don't need anybody to help me, dagnabbit, I can save their bacon too (even if it's only in Trivial Pursuit).

Go figure - I'm a know it all. Not.

This year has provided some of my biggest lessons. Being vulnerable. Asking for help. Squirming less and smiling more as I reach out my hand to take instead of give. Saying thank you. Submission.

Tomorrow I go in for surgery and will be vulnerable and needy for quite some time. Instead of feeling incomplete, missing vital parts of what makes me strong, I'll be strong in a different way - strong through submitting to the present - the here and now instead of the should be and has been. I'll gain strength by being in the moment, learning how to be interdependent instead of independent.

I'll be stepping out of this blog for a little while during my recovery. I've asked some good friends to fill in while I'm out and provide you their perspective on this journey we share together.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter and touch base with me while I recover. I'll be back in a few weeks.

Lord, thank you for my dear, sweet friends, rooting for my full recovery. Thank you for this beautiful web of interconnectedness in which we touch each other's souls. Over the next weeks, keep me cradled in your hands and blow your healing breath across my body and soul that I may heal in all ways. Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

Viva la Résistance!

All week long I've had ideas about topics I'd like to write about. I had three ideas alone just driving over to the coffee shop this afternoon. And yet...

 

There's that pesky resistance, digging its heels in and crossing its arms.

 

I'm perplexed. I LIKE writing! Why avoid it? Well, let's see:

• I’m no expert - plenty of folks out there know more than I.
• I had an idea, then read about it on another blog.
• Why would talking about myself appeal to others? Seriously, how many people are reading this blog?

You get the idea. I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this - do you judge yourself into paralysis? The best way to tame my monster is to answer these questions.

 

There is so much to write about! And who's more knowledgeable than myself about fear and love, stumbling and learning? We all have expertise in that. I write about my journey through life as I peel away my layers of fear to expose, and live within, my authentic heart. I have to believe there’s some authority in that.

 

Oh man! Someone else just wrote about "my" idea - That's OK, I can take it and run with it anyway. I can use their material (with links and credit of course) to springboard my own thoughts on the subject. Sharing my love of learning includes connecting my readers with other experiences that help peel the fear away, help them live authentically. I remind myself that my input is about perception and not perfection.

 

This last one is always a tough one. Who cares? I care. I yearn to help others as much as myself. Sometimes helping myself IS helping others. Living by example - and failing and living some more by example - I hope to help others recognize their own sacred humanity as I recognize my own. Selfish? Maybe. I hope not. I find it scary, but good, right, and gratifying.

 

Finally, Gentle Reader, this is where I expose my soft, vulnerable, squirmy inner self: What do YOU get from my blog? I’d really like to read your comments on this.

Lord, thank you for courage. Thank you for friends. Thank you for the ability to self-reflect. Thank you for the hand that reaches out to grasp tightly during moments of vulnerability and uncertainty. Thank you for knowledge.

Majeeda Rosa

Who ya gonna call...

For a moment, play make-believe with me. I'll paint some hypothetical scenarios:

Your face is pressed against the side of a cliff, arms stretched taught as your weight drags each fingertip further from the edge and your feet flail for purchase on a ledge that isn’t there…

Do you ask for help?

The clock is ticking away. The classroom is stifling. You stare at the exam thinking, thinking…not thinking at all because your mind has gone blank…

Do you ask for help?

You’re at the mall and the parking lot is packed. You tap your fingers against the steering wheel, waiting for a parking spot to open up. Damn, you chipped a nail!

Do you ask for help?

I wouldn’t call these scenarios equal in desperation by any means. I’m curious, is there a threshold at which you shouldn’t ask for higher assistance? Is God bothered, like a busy parent, if you tug at his shirt too often? Do the angels have assignments with strict rules and capacity? Are some requests more worthy than others?

Hmmm…there I go thinking like a human again!

I have no idea who or what God is. I try not to impose human limitations on this higher consciousness I don’t and can’t understand. I still form opinions, of course. In my book, God and Love are synonymous and without constraint. Do I believe in angels? Yes, although again, I don’t understand who/what they are or how it all works. Angels have appeared in my life as unseen spirit guides, moments of synchronicity, and in human form during times of crisis.

Here’s a not-so-big secret: I have a parking lot angel. My husband and I kid about it, “have you been good today?” I have inordinate (not perfect) luck with very good parking spots. If I’m cranky and uptight…doesn’t happen. If I’m open and receptive, expectant even, the spot will open up right where I desire. I just have to ask.

I always say thank you. Gratitude is everything.

Remember: Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just because it’s a small request, doesn’t mean it’s not worthy.

Thank you for my parking spots. And thank you for not giving them to me every time.

Majeeda Rosa

Dream Talking

Do you listen to your dreams? What are they telling you?

I had wonderfully vivid dreams this week, downright fantastical. They had a thread of transformation running through them, even though the content of each had nothing in common. I rely on my dreams to help guide me. I'll commonly ponder a question at bedtime then put it out of my mind before I fall asleep. Then I let my subconscious take over.

Powerful thing that subconscious. Tricky too.

Dreams speak to us in powerful, primal ways. Start with the language. Your dream consciousness communicates with you in symbols specific to your way of thinking. Forget all those dream symbol books - use the associations you've formed with images. For instance, a spider may mean danger to someone else, but for me spiders in my dreams stand for annoying work problems that are crawling at the edge of my mind.

Dream language can be very literal. If you find yourself troubled because you're "playing the field" or "whistling Dixie" you may very well find yourself literally doing these actions in your dream! When I review a dream I always watch for a play on words and what it might represent.

Sometimes I'll keep a dream log to track a series of dreams. I might not always see the answer in a single dream. Like a deep discussion with a friend, sometimes it takes some digging to peel back the layers of the issue. Sometimes it takes some distance from the problem - writing down your dreams then coming back to them a week later can provide some insight not readily apparent at first glance.

Finally, sometimes dreams are just dreams, bits of flotsam and jetsam in the current of our minds helping us restore order.

Sometimes dreams are more than dreams. In that twilight place between conscious and unconscious a doorway opens. These dreams have a special vibrancy - receive them as the gift they are.

Dear Lord, you are the great communicator, finding hidden pathways to our heart. There is always a channel through your love for us to reach those who've passed. I will forever be grateful that through my waking resistance you opened a door for my beloved mother to ease my pain; a beautiful dream of my mother in glowing white telling me that everything is fine. Thank you for that moment of grace and hope.

Majeeda Rosa

Your Home is your Sanctuary

I'm enjoying my Spring cleaning week and time away from worklife. This week, I offer a house blessing, one I created for my friend "S" that you can adapt to your own needs. Use it any time you wish to enhance the joy in your own sanctuary!

And yes, you can adapt it to your workspace - I'd love to hear how you've used this in your own life!

S’s House Blessing

The house is “cleaned” by whisking stagnant and negative energy out the door with herbs and a fresh broom, working clockwise throughout the house.  Negative energies are asked to be released and those that are harmonious are asked to remain and be blessed.  

S is invited to call upon, greet, and invite any ancestors, deities or spirit guides to dwell in the house if they please. Prayers of goodwill are said in each room of the house. Candlelight is brought into each corner to illuminate any hidden areas.  Salt is placed on the threshold and the guardians of the home are asked to allow free entry to those who are invited by S, and to keep those who would do harm by word, thought or deed turned away.

Bread, wine and oranges are brought forth.
 
“A house is sentient, it has a heart and soul and eyes with which to see.  It has approvals, solicitudes and deep sympathies.  It is of you, and you live in its confidence and grace and within the peace of its benedictions.  Let this house welcome you and provide both joy when you wake within and comfort when you return from without.”
 
The bread is broken with a bit for each person in the room and a separate portion for the house.  “Let this bread be eaten that there may never be hunger within your walls.”
 
Wine is poured into cups for each person and the house.  “Let this wine be sipped that the richness of life is savored as it enters your windows.”
 
An orange section is offered to each person and the house.  “Let these oranges be enjoyed that the sweet gifts of friendship and happiness always lighten your threshold.”
 
“You who are the Master Builder, Mother of the Hearth and Father of Homecoming, Generous Provider of Sacred Space, bless S and the home in which she lives.  Thank you for the haven of hospitality she has discovered here.  Thank you for the shelter that protects her soul each night.  Thank you for the solace of this home which embraces, nurtures, sustains, and comforts her.  Bless the foundation upon which she walks, the walls that surround, the roof that covers, the windows that enlighten, and the threshold that welcomes her.  May the peace and plenty she so richly shares with others be her daily portion.  May those she invites into her life and within these walls feel the light and happiness of this home. Thank you for this sanctuary, this House of Belonging.”
 
Finish the offerings and leave the home’s portion out, then offer it to the yard birds and trees sheltering your home the next day.

Well come!

Majeeda Rosa

How's Your Bubble?

How's your "life bubble" - that comfortable space consisting of practices, people, and opinions that form your reality? We all live in one. It's comfortable. Familiar. Expected: if THIS, then THAT...knowable. We're experts, anthropologists of our own bubble world.

Or are we?

Like any good scientist, this anthropologist needs to conduct some observations. Maybe run some experiments. The native is restless.

Hmmm...do I detect a loss of territory? Have my experiences to date led me to limiting beliefs? Are there concepts and opinions that have become "facts" within my bubble world? Do I discount any challenges to my facts as exceptions to the rule? How about "can't" and "won't" - have they grown like invasive Kudzu? Why "can't" I?

It's hard to challenge reality, uncover the uncomfortable.

The thing I'm most scared of is that there's no such thing as a little change. What if my bubble bursts? Everything expected and knowable is gone. How do you get comfortable with that?

God, in your unfathomable expansiveness, open my mind. Let me gather my thoughts and conclusions not as flowers to collect, but seeds to plant so that they continue to grow. Bless me with foresight learned from experience and judgment that expands with perspective. Help me be comfortable with not knowing and experience the moment for what is rather than what I want it to be. Amen.

It only takes 10 minutes to change your life

Wow, that's quite a promise.  I can hear the spirit of Billie Mays right now..."You, too, can achieve A-mazing results in only 10 minutes a day..."

Operators are standing by.

I mentioned in the last blog that injury has been slowing me down, allowing me to evaluate bits and pieces of my life - what I thought my life should be versus what it is.  Pain has been a great motivator for intraspection.  One of the changes that emerged was writing this blog.  Another recent change has been stretching and improving my flexibility...REALITY CHECK...it's more about keeping the limited flexibility that I have rather than improving it.

In my eagerness to get over my back injury, I joined a yoga class.    I got a physical therapist's release notice. I worked with the yoga instructor to modify my positions.  The group sessions were almost an hour and a half.  I knew better, but tried to keep up.  By the third session, I was experiencing muscle spasms and spinal cord entrapment all over again, thankfully not as severe as in the autumn, but significant.

I decided to honor my body's message and bowed out of the class.  For 15 days my new yoga routine was stretch gently, ice back and butt, sit up straight, lay down, groan. Stand and rock from side to side.  Repeat hourly.

Is all lost?  No.  I learned many things. I still practice Yoga, but it's not about the positions. It's about Mindfulness.  Simplicity.  Breathing.  Honoring....and it's about the positions.

I wake up about 20 minutes earlier now.  I use the Zen timer on my IPad to chime the minutes for a 10-minute session.  I start in child's pose, my forehead on the ground, gently feeling my body relax into my back.  I slowly move from one floor position to another, the positions I know will honor my body, ending in the corpse pose, arms relaxed and palms up, heart wide open.

I've only done this for two days.  I missed the routine this morning when I woke up late.

God, how I missed it!  Only two days, ten minutes each day, and I crave it - it was THAT good and it lasted all day.  It doesn't take much to change.  Just listen.

Lord, help me to keep honoring myself each day.  Help me to remember the feel of each action, each thought, each feeling that empowers me.  Thank you for using my body as another vehicle to communicate with me.  Gently remind me to listen and live in my higher self.  Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

The Enemy of Good is Perfect

It's been a few weeks. I made a commitment to myself that I would post this blog weekly. The occasional delay...acceptable.

OMG. I've missed two weeks. I almost didn't write tonight; the gaping absence of postings was building into a blanket of undesirable "shoulds."

How hard it is to live up to my own expectations. I hold myself to a higher standard in ways I would never expect from someone else under the same conditions. I wind up practicing catastrophic thinking and use the "F" word:

FAILED

Thpppt! Get over it! Failure? Let's try a different F-word:

Forgiveness

I've had good reason to be distracted this month, illness and injury. Time to practice self-compassion. How do I practice it for others? I put myself in their shoes...since I'm already there, the next best thing is to step out of them! A little objectivity is good for this situation.

Majeeda, relax. Every commitment has an escape clause, it's called humanity. Sometimes you're going to fall down. In the falling we learn about ourselves. In the getting-back-up we learn about ourselves. In the doing of whatever we strive toward, we put the puzzle pieces of our destiny together until that destiny becomes clear. Every action, every moment, every thought counts. There is no failure, only striving. Do what you are meant to do.

Wow. Sometimes I give some really good advice to myself :)

Thank you Great Mother of us all. Your guidance is so needed and so appreciated. Thank you for opening my mind and heart so that I may listen carefully to your words and live them. Forgiveness. Compassion. Love. Destiny.

Majeeda Rosa

Practicing Reverse Voodoo

Sometimes I feel like I have all these little drains slowly seeping my strength away.  Just little holes poked in in my energy field.  In my day-to-day life I’m not really aware of them.  Each time a poke happens, the hole is barely noticeable, just a little jab quickly brushed away in most cases. 

Over time, these little drains add up.  This week I realized how tired I am and how much effort I’ve actually been putting into each of those little jabs…ruminating about old stuff on the way to work…disturbing, angry dreams at night. 

It’s time for me to perform a little reverse voodoo. 

Uh oh…we’re going to get a little freaky now…well, not really.

Reverse voodoo is finding all the “pin holes” in myself and pulling the “pin” out.  These pins are old wounds, unfinished business, what-I-should-have-saids, misunderstandings, worries about the future, and other thoughts that steal my energy.  Many of these things are really nothing (I say to myself), so why do I still wander there? 

Carolyn Myss says it best: we have a limited amount of energy “currency” in the here and now – how much are we spending it in the past?  What does that leave us with to use in the present?  Don’t give your energy away on “stuff”!

I pull out the pins by asking myself a few questions, usually on paper:

• When my mind wanders into old grievances or hurts, where does it go?
• When I’m there, how do I feel?
• Why do I feel that way?
• How does feeling this way help me today?
• Can I consciously let go of this?

There’s nothing like a little ritual to help the mind really grasp what you want it to do.  I take the papers, one for each energy drain, and say a little prayer out loud while I (safely) burn each one, addressing these thoughts and emotions:

Thank you for serving me in my time of need.  You’ve provided a lesson in who I am as well as who I am not.  You’ve shaped my thoughts and at the time of your creation protected me.  Because of you I’ve grown.  Your use has passed.  Through God’s grace, leave me now.

I inhale a great breath and let it out in peace, refreshed.

Majeeda Rosa

I have an anger management problem

I have an anger management problem. I’m afraid of being angry. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control. My face flushes and my thoughts scatter as I fumble to defend my stance. I find myself polarizing on my position in defense or remaining silent and frustrated, then venting later. When I’m in an argument, it’s almost as if I get amnesia after the fact – I can’t remember what I said or what happened. I feel dumb and defenseless, literally!

I was raised not to express anger. Anger was “talking back.” Anger was “bad.” I can still remember being struck mute when I was asked, “Why didn’t you do __, and don’t tell me you forgot.” Of course, I forgot. How many times did I want to explain but couldn’t? My sister, on the other hand, didn’t have any problem expressing her anger. The constant struggle between her and my parents was the overriding force of my childhood. It was best for me to be quiet and unnoticed.

Have I grown out of old habits of metaphorically hiding? Somewhat, but it took decades. Do I feel like I have an adult grasp of anger? Nope, I’m still struggling. Sometimes I feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth between “too little” and “too much” – like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to figure out what’s “just right.”

So what constitutes healthy anger management? How do I defend myself in confidence? Rather, how do I come from a place of confidence instead of defense?

Dear Lord, thank you for helping me grow. Open my mind so that I can value my position and listen to others. Help me absorb other viewpoints so that I may enrich my outlook. Coax me away from resisting and clinging to information that’s incomplete. With respect and humbleness, show me how to defend my opinions and hold them at equal value to others’. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa

Ugh! That little negative voice

“Nobody cares what you have to say.”

“You always start and never finish. Why bother?”

“You’re going to FAIL…AGAIN.”

I have a little demon in my head named M2. She’s constantly picking on me, pointing out how I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough…not “enough.” She’s non-stop. She’s never satisfied and always has something to piss-on about. Sometimes she takes over my mouth and not just my mind – I hear her complaining to my husband, a friend, a coworker. Sheesh, shut up already!

If I heard anyone having a conversation like this with a so-called friend, I’d tell them to drop them like a bad habit. The only problem is that habits are there for a reason. All habits have a payback. So the question I really have to ask is:

What am I getting out of this self-sabotage?

If I “can’t do it” then I don’t have to put out the effort. In essence, I blame someone else for not accomplishing the task because it’s “out of my hands” and the universe has deemed it that way. If it’s not my responsibility then no one can blame me if it doesn’t turn out perfect because “I told you I couldn’t do it.” Someone might denigrate my accomplishment (that is, denigrate me). If I accomplish something, someone might expect more from me. Wow, “more” is a lot of pressure.

Then why do I feel so guilty and defeated?

Because I’m denying myself something I crave…self respect….pride in my accomplishment…the joy of something that feeds my soul. Is it truly that hard to allow myself to shine?

God, help me to open my eyes to the “chatter” and recognize it for its falseness. Help me see and remember those things that bring me true, soul-satisfying joy and let them serve as a shield against the negative programming in my head. Please send your angels to help me so that I can use those gifts with which you've blessed me.

Majeeda Rosa

An angel entered my life five years ago

About five years ago, my husband was going through a rough patch and so I prayed. You know, one of those desperate, hands clasped and rocking back-and-forth prayers ending with "pleasepleaseplease...."

The kind where you bargain. Know what I mean?

It was resoundingly answered the next day.

If you ask, truly ask from your heart and not your head, you'll get your answer. You might not know it's the answer until later of course - time offers perspective.

Remember Clarence in It's a Wonderful Life? Clarence came into our lives, only his name is Jake. Probably the most ornery little terrier you'll ever meet. White with black floppy ears and silky curls, although we couldn't determine that until later as he was quite covered in filth. His little legs were wobbly and he was trying not to fall over while dodging cars in the gas station parking lot. We thought we were saving him when we scooped him up and brought him home.

 

Jake saved us.

My prayer the night before was for my husband to find happiness in his life. We kid around (but not really) that Jake was so ornery in Heaven that he lost his wings in a fight and has to earn them again. He's fulfilling his job admirably - he's the most lovable, rascally, happiness-giving little cuss you'll ever meet.

Today's prayer:

Dear Lord, thank you for Jake. The road has been a little rough - it's hard opening your heart and when it's so vulnerable - but the joy he's brought has been worth every minute. His antics and his compassion are tremendous. As he gets older please treat him kindly. Help us to provide for his needs as he provides for ours. Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

Have I forgotten how to pray?

So the question popped up in my head the other day as I sat in front of my lunch.  Normally, I would have just plowed into my food, but I'm making an effort to slow down and show some appreciation.  So there I was, me and my plate in stilted silence, like two people who've met after a long absence and with nothing really to say.  I could have said the traditional meal blessing I grew up with:

Bless us O Lord, in these Thy gifts, of which we are about to receive, through your bounty, from Christ our Lord. Amen.

It just seemed...mmm...too removed.  Not intimate.  It was a simple meal after all.  It deserved something humble yet grateful. 

I haven't said grace in a very long time, at least out loud.  Silly as it is, I'm embarrassed to say prayers - requests or gratitudes to God - in front of my husband.  He wasn't raised in a religious environment and expresses curiosity, indifference and distain at any given time.  He's very matter of fact; his experiences haven't encouraged him to have faith in anything other than dogs. 

I want to express thanks without having someone look at me funny.  The formality of a learned prayer is beautiful at the right time and place, but seems awkward in our household.

I decided I would create my own everyday prayers.  Prayers that address anything I might come across in my life.  Expressing appreciation and gratitude.  Asking for help or direction.  Whatever shape it takes.  Thanksgiving week seemed particularly appropriate to begin.  My gift to you as well as myself:

Lord, on this day in which we gather to give thanks, we are blessed by this meal.  We're grateful for the sustenance you've provided in our lives and our ability to savor and share it with friends and family.  Help us remember and appreciate the effort of all who've worked hard to bring us this meal and many meals to come.  Thank you.

And thank YOU.