Be Radiant

How many times have a said I’ll do something then….(fizzle snap)

Distractals and sparklies abide everywhere: Facebook, Pinterest, TV, magazines, snacking, housework, playing with the beasties…so many things to do instead of self-analysis.  Why is it tough to look inside?

As mentioned in my last post, I’m exploring my values – unearthing the unconscious ones and examining if I’m in alignment with the ones I THINK I live by.  Right now, I’m examining why I’m avoiding examining! 

Do I value introspection? Emphatically, yes!  It fits with my values of open-mindedness and balance, as well as a part of what feeds my spirit.  It's about examining my beliefs, my thoughts, my motives, learning why I feel and act the way I do.  How else can I discover my purpose in life as well as my programming?  One by one I peel away each layer of belief that really isn't mine.  I might have borrowed it to fill a gap or simply accepted it through trust, peer pressure or just plain laziness.  Those ideas garnered from family, friends, teachers and TV that I’ve blindly accepted – for good or bad – how do they serve me?  How do they harm me?

There is no truth, folks, only perception.  So if all of this navel-gazing contemplation is so valuable, why am I avoiding it? 

Because whether you deal with it or live with it, your perception is altered.  You have to ask yourself if you’re living/acting/breathing your core values.  If you’re not living your core values, your energy is leaking.  If you ARE…then you’re radiant. 

So where to start?  Navel gazing is best done in small doses.  Instead of shutting down on introspection overload, here's how I handle it:

·        Focus on one thing and follow it.  Jot down digressions for another time.

·        Live with the new knowledge for a few weeks…or more.  Roll it around, see what it feels like.

·        Finally, change…or don’t, but either way follow the energy.

Now go be radiant.

Majeeda Rosa

Just be

Practicing Reverse Voodoo

Sometimes I feel like I have all these little drains slowly seeping my strength away.  Just little holes poked in in my energy field.  In my day-to-day life I’m not really aware of them.  Each time a poke happens, the hole is barely noticeable, just a little jab quickly brushed away in most cases. 

Over time, these little drains add up.  This week I realized how tired I am and how much effort I’ve actually been putting into each of those little jabs…ruminating about old stuff on the way to work…disturbing, angry dreams at night. 

It’s time for me to perform a little reverse voodoo. 

Uh oh…we’re going to get a little freaky now…well, not really.

Reverse voodoo is finding all the “pin holes” in myself and pulling the “pin” out.  These pins are old wounds, unfinished business, what-I-should-have-saids, misunderstandings, worries about the future, and other thoughts that steal my energy.  Many of these things are really nothing (I say to myself), so why do I still wander there? 

Carolyn Myss says it best: we have a limited amount of energy “currency” in the here and now – how much are we spending it in the past?  What does that leave us with to use in the present?  Don’t give your energy away on “stuff”!

I pull out the pins by asking myself a few questions, usually on paper:

• When my mind wanders into old grievances or hurts, where does it go?
• When I’m there, how do I feel?
• Why do I feel that way?
• How does feeling this way help me today?
• Can I consciously let go of this?

There’s nothing like a little ritual to help the mind really grasp what you want it to do.  I take the papers, one for each energy drain, and say a little prayer out loud while I (safely) burn each one, addressing these thoughts and emotions:

Thank you for serving me in my time of need.  You’ve provided a lesson in who I am as well as who I am not.  You’ve shaped my thoughts and at the time of your creation protected me.  Because of you I’ve grown.  Your use has passed.  Through God’s grace, leave me now.

I inhale a great breath and let it out in peace, refreshed.

Majeeda Rosa

I have my doubts

Some days I wonder, is there really some sentient omniscient being or thing out there, something or someone who actually gives a damn about us? Is prayer and ritual and all the motions we go through just a distraction or do they really mean something?

Sometimes I have to dig deep to believe.

I practice Reiki, an energy healing modality that relies on the belief of something more powerful than ourselves, a self-directed, universal power. Personally this is my perception of God, not the patriarch we've made in our own image, rather something mysterious and beyond our ability to grasp during this life. When I'm practicing Reiki, sometimes I feel incredible loving energy coursing through my hands. Other times I feel nothing - I ask myself, is this all in my head? And yet the person receiving the energy will report vivid colors or heat or a sense of incredible well-being. Sometimes they report nothing.

What's the difference between perception and reality? If you ask a quantum physicist, he or she will likely tell you "not much." Our perception shapes reality.

Sometimes you have to believe before you can see. Does doubt undermine faith? I think it makes it stronger. The days that I doubt are the days that I remember moments of grace, the little bits of evidence I rely on to bolster my faith.

And yet...

Beloved, help me judge with my heart and not my mind. When I'm tense and uncertain, open my heart so that I can feel your love. Send your messengers into my life so that I am reminded that I am not alone. Help me to walk in love and not fear so that I may feel your grace everyday.

Sharing my doubts and my love with you,

Majeeda Rosa