What are you worth?

How do you judge your self-worth? From my dear friend Sheila:

What value do I have?  I’ve spent my entire life asking, "What's my self-worth?"  As a child I valued myself based on grades, number of friends, achievements, awards, recognition.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
As a young, married adult I determined my value as a person based on my husband’s opinion, my ability to complete a college degree, the job I was able to obtain.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
As the clock chimed and I faced my 30th birthday, I yet again found myself asking, "What am I worth?"  I based my worth on the career I had, the paycheck I earned, what people thought of me as a mother, what people – even those I would not want in my life - thought of me.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
Then it happened, I was laid-off.  After a decade in my job, I no longer had any value… any worth.  Without a job, I was not bringing money into the household….. I didn’t provide any value…any worth.  
 
Ah, but that’s where I was wrong.  I stopped, I slowed down, I took the time to look around.  My value was not gone – my worth had not changed.  I had simply misplaced it.  I found it – in the smile of my child, in the purr of my kitty cats, in the sloppy dog kisses from my beagle boys, in the strong hug of my husband.  My worth, my value is not based in dollars…in cents… in the opinion of others…. in awards… in accomplishments….but in spirit, in faith, in family.  My self-worth comes from me.
 
One of my favorite prayers by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

~Sheila Mae~
 
 

I have my doubts

Some days I wonder, is there really some sentient omniscient being or thing out there, something or someone who actually gives a damn about us? Is prayer and ritual and all the motions we go through just a distraction or do they really mean something?

Sometimes I have to dig deep to believe.

I practice Reiki, an energy healing modality that relies on the belief of something more powerful than ourselves, a self-directed, universal power. Personally this is my perception of God, not the patriarch we've made in our own image, rather something mysterious and beyond our ability to grasp during this life. When I'm practicing Reiki, sometimes I feel incredible loving energy coursing through my hands. Other times I feel nothing - I ask myself, is this all in my head? And yet the person receiving the energy will report vivid colors or heat or a sense of incredible well-being. Sometimes they report nothing.

What's the difference between perception and reality? If you ask a quantum physicist, he or she will likely tell you "not much." Our perception shapes reality.

Sometimes you have to believe before you can see. Does doubt undermine faith? I think it makes it stronger. The days that I doubt are the days that I remember moments of grace, the little bits of evidence I rely on to bolster my faith.

And yet...

Beloved, help me judge with my heart and not my mind. When I'm tense and uncertain, open my heart so that I can feel your love. Send your messengers into my life so that I am reminded that I am not alone. Help me to walk in love and not fear so that I may feel your grace everyday.

Sharing my doubts and my love with you,

Majeeda Rosa