How's Your Bubble?

How's your "life bubble" - that comfortable space consisting of practices, people, and opinions that form your reality? We all live in one. It's comfortable. Familiar. Expected: if THIS, then THAT...knowable. We're experts, anthropologists of our own bubble world.

Or are we?

Like any good scientist, this anthropologist needs to conduct some observations. Maybe run some experiments. The native is restless.

Hmmm...do I detect a loss of territory? Have my experiences to date led me to limiting beliefs? Are there concepts and opinions that have become "facts" within my bubble world? Do I discount any challenges to my facts as exceptions to the rule? How about "can't" and "won't" - have they grown like invasive Kudzu? Why "can't" I?

It's hard to challenge reality, uncover the uncomfortable.

The thing I'm most scared of is that there's no such thing as a little change. What if my bubble bursts? Everything expected and knowable is gone. How do you get comfortable with that?

God, in your unfathomable expansiveness, open my mind. Let me gather my thoughts and conclusions not as flowers to collect, but seeds to plant so that they continue to grow. Bless me with foresight learned from experience and judgment that expands with perspective. Help me be comfortable with not knowing and experience the moment for what is rather than what I want it to be. Amen.

It only takes 10 minutes to change your life

Wow, that's quite a promise.  I can hear the spirit of Billie Mays right now..."You, too, can achieve A-mazing results in only 10 minutes a day..."

Operators are standing by.

I mentioned in the last blog that injury has been slowing me down, allowing me to evaluate bits and pieces of my life - what I thought my life should be versus what it is.  Pain has been a great motivator for intraspection.  One of the changes that emerged was writing this blog.  Another recent change has been stretching and improving my flexibility...REALITY CHECK...it's more about keeping the limited flexibility that I have rather than improving it.

In my eagerness to get over my back injury, I joined a yoga class.    I got a physical therapist's release notice. I worked with the yoga instructor to modify my positions.  The group sessions were almost an hour and a half.  I knew better, but tried to keep up.  By the third session, I was experiencing muscle spasms and spinal cord entrapment all over again, thankfully not as severe as in the autumn, but significant.

I decided to honor my body's message and bowed out of the class.  For 15 days my new yoga routine was stretch gently, ice back and butt, sit up straight, lay down, groan. Stand and rock from side to side.  Repeat hourly.

Is all lost?  No.  I learned many things. I still practice Yoga, but it's not about the positions. It's about Mindfulness.  Simplicity.  Breathing.  Honoring....and it's about the positions.

I wake up about 20 minutes earlier now.  I use the Zen timer on my IPad to chime the minutes for a 10-minute session.  I start in child's pose, my forehead on the ground, gently feeling my body relax into my back.  I slowly move from one floor position to another, the positions I know will honor my body, ending in the corpse pose, arms relaxed and palms up, heart wide open.

I've only done this for two days.  I missed the routine this morning when I woke up late.

God, how I missed it!  Only two days, ten minutes each day, and I crave it - it was THAT good and it lasted all day.  It doesn't take much to change.  Just listen.

Lord, help me to keep honoring myself each day.  Help me to remember the feel of each action, each thought, each feeling that empowers me.  Thank you for using my body as another vehicle to communicate with me.  Gently remind me to listen and live in my higher self.  Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

I have an anger management problem

I have an anger management problem. I’m afraid of being angry. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control. My face flushes and my thoughts scatter as I fumble to defend my stance. I find myself polarizing on my position in defense or remaining silent and frustrated, then venting later. When I’m in an argument, it’s almost as if I get amnesia after the fact – I can’t remember what I said or what happened. I feel dumb and defenseless, literally!

I was raised not to express anger. Anger was “talking back.” Anger was “bad.” I can still remember being struck mute when I was asked, “Why didn’t you do __, and don’t tell me you forgot.” Of course, I forgot. How many times did I want to explain but couldn’t? My sister, on the other hand, didn’t have any problem expressing her anger. The constant struggle between her and my parents was the overriding force of my childhood. It was best for me to be quiet and unnoticed.

Have I grown out of old habits of metaphorically hiding? Somewhat, but it took decades. Do I feel like I have an adult grasp of anger? Nope, I’m still struggling. Sometimes I feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth between “too little” and “too much” – like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to figure out what’s “just right.”

So what constitutes healthy anger management? How do I defend myself in confidence? Rather, how do I come from a place of confidence instead of defense?

Dear Lord, thank you for helping me grow. Open my mind so that I can value my position and listen to others. Help me absorb other viewpoints so that I may enrich my outlook. Coax me away from resisting and clinging to information that’s incomplete. With respect and humbleness, show me how to defend my opinions and hold them at equal value to others’. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa