Practicing Reverse Voodoo

Sometimes I feel like I have all these little drains slowly seeping my strength away.  Just little holes poked in in my energy field.  In my day-to-day life I’m not really aware of them.  Each time a poke happens, the hole is barely noticeable, just a little jab quickly brushed away in most cases. 

Over time, these little drains add up.  This week I realized how tired I am and how much effort I’ve actually been putting into each of those little jabs…ruminating about old stuff on the way to work…disturbing, angry dreams at night. 

It’s time for me to perform a little reverse voodoo. 

Uh oh…we’re going to get a little freaky now…well, not really.

Reverse voodoo is finding all the “pin holes” in myself and pulling the “pin” out.  These pins are old wounds, unfinished business, what-I-should-have-saids, misunderstandings, worries about the future, and other thoughts that steal my energy.  Many of these things are really nothing (I say to myself), so why do I still wander there? 

Carolyn Myss says it best: we have a limited amount of energy “currency” in the here and now – how much are we spending it in the past?  What does that leave us with to use in the present?  Don’t give your energy away on “stuff”!

I pull out the pins by asking myself a few questions, usually on paper:

• When my mind wanders into old grievances or hurts, where does it go?
• When I’m there, how do I feel?
• Why do I feel that way?
• How does feeling this way help me today?
• Can I consciously let go of this?

There’s nothing like a little ritual to help the mind really grasp what you want it to do.  I take the papers, one for each energy drain, and say a little prayer out loud while I (safely) burn each one, addressing these thoughts and emotions:

Thank you for serving me in my time of need.  You’ve provided a lesson in who I am as well as who I am not.  You’ve shaped my thoughts and at the time of your creation protected me.  Because of you I’ve grown.  Your use has passed.  Through God’s grace, leave me now.

I inhale a great breath and let it out in peace, refreshed.

Majeeda Rosa

A Perfect Day

Sometimes I go through life too fast. I feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel, going through the motions of life. I’m programmed to get up at a certain time, go to work on certain days, have certain expectations of what my goals should be...

Oh boy. There’s that word – SHOULD

Have you ever noticed that when you capitalize it, SHOULD looks like SHROUD?

I have to be careful of SHOULDs. It’s not that SHOULDs are bad, only that I need them in the right balance. Yes I SHOULD go to work…because I not only need the money, I also enjoy many aspects of my career. I SHOULD exercise…because if I’m not healthy and fit I won’t live the life I want to experience.

The real question is: How many times do I think I should do or think [fill in the blank] and it takes a bite out of my personal power instead of enriching it? Life may be speeding by in a grey blur because my SHOULDs are mistaken for WANTS, and my NEEDs are mistaken for SHOULDs. It’s a topsy-turvy world I live in.

Time to get my head on straight.  What would a perfect day look like, one that honors my soul?

Holy Sophia, fill me with wisdom, help me define the actions and thoughts that feed my soul. Let me bring them to light, recognize them and live them. Enable me to discern between true needs and distractions, passion versus fancy. Empower me in every sense to manifest the gifts you’ve so graciously provided. Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

Resistance is Futile

This has been a week of grinching, gnashing teeth and banging head. Bad things have happened. Sad things have happened. Misunderstandings and resistance seem to be the actions of the day. Polarization of thought, both in politics and personal life, has occurred repeatedly.

And amongst all this… a simple kindness.

The power of a simple kindness is amazing. At work, my cube mate brought us pretty little flowers. I’ve been so cheered every time I look at them. They calm me down. I’m reminded that nothing is so frantic or important that a simple cup of cheer – whether tea or flowers – shouldn’t be enjoyed. A little touch of grace amidst the chaos.

They remind me to be kind to myself as well as others.

I took a moment to enjoy the flowers. I began to actually notice little scraps of quotes and prayer I keep pinned to my wall, the rosary I made with rose petal beads for my mother many years ago, the cinnamon and checkered tail feather of a flicker I found on a walk. Among the pinnings, I have a card I bought in Glastonbury many years ago; it says:

Just BE

One of the shortest and most profound prayers I can follow.

Take care my friends, and remember the little kindnesses.

Majeeda Rosa

I have an anger management problem

I have an anger management problem. I’m afraid of being angry. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control. My face flushes and my thoughts scatter as I fumble to defend my stance. I find myself polarizing on my position in defense or remaining silent and frustrated, then venting later. When I’m in an argument, it’s almost as if I get amnesia after the fact – I can’t remember what I said or what happened. I feel dumb and defenseless, literally!

I was raised not to express anger. Anger was “talking back.” Anger was “bad.” I can still remember being struck mute when I was asked, “Why didn’t you do __, and don’t tell me you forgot.” Of course, I forgot. How many times did I want to explain but couldn’t? My sister, on the other hand, didn’t have any problem expressing her anger. The constant struggle between her and my parents was the overriding force of my childhood. It was best for me to be quiet and unnoticed.

Have I grown out of old habits of metaphorically hiding? Somewhat, but it took decades. Do I feel like I have an adult grasp of anger? Nope, I’m still struggling. Sometimes I feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth between “too little” and “too much” – like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to figure out what’s “just right.”

So what constitutes healthy anger management? How do I defend myself in confidence? Rather, how do I come from a place of confidence instead of defense?

Dear Lord, thank you for helping me grow. Open my mind so that I can value my position and listen to others. Help me absorb other viewpoints so that I may enrich my outlook. Coax me away from resisting and clinging to information that’s incomplete. With respect and humbleness, show me how to defend my opinions and hold them at equal value to others’. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa