Staking a claim

Can you believe it’s already Autumn?  I incorporated some healthier habits this summer.  I improved my choices in how I care for myself, physically and emotionally.  Some of them were big, like walking regularly, taking time to get a pedicure and realizing it’s OK to be angry when I feel anger!  Some of them were small, like taking vitamins, drinking a glass of water in the morning and not rushing or skipping out on doing small things for myself.

And then my intentions came crashing down.

Why?

I’m still figuring that out.  In a nutshell a few events happened last month.  Someone close to me treated me disrespectfully.  I was put into a position of cleaning up someone else’s mess due to their carelessness and lack of control.   Stressed out, physically and emotionally sick with it, I went into defensive mode and tried to bend myself in such a way that I could accommodate this new and alien environment and fix whatever I could fix.  All the new habits I acquired went out the window, not because I didn’t have time for them, but because…because…

And that’s what I’m trying to figure out.  I can see that I went back into old patterns of fixing and bending - I’m still figuring out how I should have handled that whole scenario – but why abandon the healthier habits?  I’m treading carefully as I explore this one; I know I’m on the right track because I’m very uncomfortable with what I’m writing:

Do I feel I need to deserve health?  If health and vitality are the goals, do I feel I need to earn them or is it my right to have them and sustain them?  Well, there’s logic….and then there’s the heart’s logic.  I'll keep saying this until I mean it:

Right now, right this second, I claim my right to health. 

Are there things you need to “earn” instead of claim?

Majeeda Rosa

Just Be

Meet my House Guests

I have three house guests I'd like to introduce.  They've been with me...well...forever.
 
Say hello to Mind, Body and Spirit
 
On a daily basis, Mind gets most of my attention - Mind helps me at work.  Mind is often my companion when I read, which I love to do.  Mind likes clever puns and learning.  I'm most comfortable with Mind.  If I had a picture of Mind, it would be that of a young student with a slightly furrowed brow, one who is somewhat distracted except for whatever has her focus at the moment.
 
Spirit visits me every day, roaming around the house unless I insist that she sit for tea. Spirit knows how to expand my thoughts and patterns.  Spirit helps me reach out to others and connect.  Spirit's power to open me up can be a little intense sometimes.  Her full attention is best savored in smaller doses of consumption.  Spirit is hard to look at directly; her embodiment is of a brightly lit, yet ephemeral, being.
 
Poor Body.  She's the most neglected houseguest.  She's not enchanting like Spirit and not as interesting as Mind.  She's the scullery maid of the three.  She does her essential work of keeping me on this earth, connecting me with human experience.  She provides her intuitive knowing as well as the mechanics of survival.  I've been ignoring her.  I haven't given her credit for years.  Last year at about this time she'd had enough and went on strike.
 
Mind, Spirit and I realized we couldn't cope without her or at least not as well.
 
This year Body's getting the attention she deserves and needs.  Mind is learning to give up some of her time and learning that when Body feels better, Mind works better.  Mind is getting inspired by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits to make small changes and grow into them so that Body can take her rightful place in the house guest triad.  Spirit is giving Body the honoring and nurturing she desperately needs by taking care of her in daily and weekly rituals.  
 
Me?  I'm working at listening.
 
How do you treat your "house guests"?
 
Majeeda Rosa
Just Be
 

The Cart before the Horse

I've been integrating healthy habits into my morning routine, one of which is a walk along the levy nearby. It's a beautiful walk that runs along a creek beside fields of horses and cows. I'm always rewarded...when I'm not caught up in my head.

Sometimes I have trouble living outside of my mind. I have to work at maintaining a proper balance of seeing the world "as it is" versus distorting it with my imagination. I catch myself ruminating over perceived lacks and building negative scenarios. I get angry at those I love, or myself, or the media, or anything else that contributes to my belief that I don't have enough...whatever.

Today on my walk I didn't see anything. Yes, my feet trod the path and I noticed little backyard gardens in a glance, but I was focused on building a future in my head of living without this or that...forever. I was angry at someone I love because of my expectations not being met. I could feel myself scowling, my lips set tight and shoulders tense.

In retrospect, there are a few things I could address about what was happening, but at that moment out on the levy only one thought occurred to me.

"Geez, Majeeda, you're creating your own reality right now. X isn't making you angry, YOU are, right here, right now."

Whether the scenarios I was building were true or not, I was making myself angry. This was something I could control. I was placing myself in this state of mind by my behavior. The moment I realized this, I let it go. Three minutes later I was grinching and getting angry again...and again, I stopped myself from being angry. I cycled through this a few times as I walked home. Hmmm...a habit. Not good.

I can't imagine life without emotion, but am I confusing emotion with a state of being? Are they perhaps different? Something new to explore. I think I'll begin to change this habit of my emotions controlling me.

How do you control your emotions? I'd love to hear in the comments below.

Just Be

Majeeda Rosa

All Hail the Lizard King!

All hail the Lizard King! What the lizard wants the lizard gets.

Who is the lizard king? Why it's you of course! Each of us has a lizard brain inside of us, that primitive protective psyche housed deep in our brains. The lizard takes over whenever our fears are triggered. You can talk all you want about living your personal calling, but the lizard will do whatever it takes to nix the idea. No love, generosity or creativity exists in the lizard brain, only survival. The lizard is ancient and intractable. The lizard always wins.

I've been on a post-surgical sabbatical from work over the last six weeks. I've had time to let go of work while still having the safety net of an income. The lizard struggled for the first few weeks before quieting down. Then it happened - my creativity unfurled. I began a self-inquiry into what makes me happy. I remembered how much I like to write. I wrote a poem for a friend. I journaled. I began taking better care of my health and wellbeing.

You'd think the lizard would be into that last item, but you'd be surprised how the lizard chirps out, "we don't have time for that, we have to workworkwork!"

The struggle between good and evil might be better stated as the struggle between my higher self and the lizard. When I take time to breathe, to center myself in my heart and listen, I sooth the lizard and open a door. When I release the tightness in my body through movement, I bring my focus out of the lizard brain into my higher brain. When I allow myself time without the distraction of the lizard I can answer my calling and fulfill my purpose.

What do you do to overcome your lizard brain?

Spirit, help me to breath. Spirit, help me exhale. Spirit, with each breath bring me into my higher self that I might channel you through my mind and body. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa

P.S. If you want to learn more about the lizard brain and how to work with it, I recommend Seth Godin's Linchpin: are you Indispensible?

What are you worth?

How do you judge your self-worth? From my dear friend Sheila:

What value do I have?  I’ve spent my entire life asking, "What's my self-worth?"  As a child I valued myself based on grades, number of friends, achievements, awards, recognition.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
As a young, married adult I determined my value as a person based on my husband’s opinion, my ability to complete a college degree, the job I was able to obtain.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
As the clock chimed and I faced my 30th birthday, I yet again found myself asking, "What am I worth?"  I based my worth on the career I had, the paycheck I earned, what people thought of me as a mother, what people – even those I would not want in my life - thought of me.  My self-worth came from what others thought of me.
 
Then it happened, I was laid-off.  After a decade in my job, I no longer had any value… any worth.  Without a job, I was not bringing money into the household….. I didn’t provide any value…any worth.  
 
Ah, but that’s where I was wrong.  I stopped, I slowed down, I took the time to look around.  My value was not gone – my worth had not changed.  I had simply misplaced it.  I found it – in the smile of my child, in the purr of my kitty cats, in the sloppy dog kisses from my beagle boys, in the strong hug of my husband.  My worth, my value is not based in dollars…in cents… in the opinion of others…. in awards… in accomplishments….but in spirit, in faith, in family.  My self-worth comes from me.
 
One of my favorite prayers by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

~Sheila Mae~
 
 

Shadow Court

Here Ye, Here Ye! Court is now in session. Only the truth and nothing but the truth will be upheld in Shadow Court…

Shadow Court?

Everyone has a shadow side, that part of themselves that they don’t like or feel shameful about. Our shadows are made up of those emotions and actions that are considered unacceptable by our own judgment, whether influenced by our family or friends or society in general.

Some of these shadow selves are misjudged or misunderstood.

“Will speaking up please step forward? You there, what do you have to say for yourself? Nothing?” Speaking’s face burns as she mumbles something in the bailiff’s ear, eyes turned down. The bailiff says to the judge, “Speaking up is pushy and rude…not ladylike. She's been punished for it in the past.”

Ahhh…magic words, “in the past.” It’s amazing how much the past plays out in Shadow Court. When I go to Shadow Court (aka examining aspects of myself that cause me discomfort) I have to ask, is what I’m looking at REALLY what I’m looking at? Is this truly a villain? How long ago was this “definition” of the offending shadow aspect set? Does this definition serve me now? If it does then what’s a better way of demonstrating it?

Maybe there’s a bit of both good and bad here. For instance, speaking up can be aggressive or it can be assertive. What does it look like when it’s aggressive? What should it look like? How can it align with and support my values? How will I know I’m crossing the line?

The cross-examination continues...

The courtroom is packed tonight. I see arrogance sitting next to defensive, and insecure is waiting by the door. Interrupting keeps talking over conflict avoidance in the second row. Selfish and thoughtless don’t even realize the other is in attendance while judgment looks around with accusing eyes. Unmotivated laziness just said screw it and stayed home.

The docket is full, and tThe courtroom drama is thick tonight.

Lord, help me perceive what is real and what is not. Where shadows exist let me shine light so that all illusions are taken away. I want to grow in spirit and oneness.

Majeeda Rosa

Why Not Now?

A few words to ponder from my dear friend Wren:

More than 20 years ago, a very influential person told me that I spent too much time living in the future.  It has taken me all of these years to understand what he meant.  
 
I have generally lived each day an average of five to ten years in a future state of mind – catastrophizing my life away.  It’s time to catch up, to act my age so to speak.
 
I care very much about what quality of life I will live in my old age, which gets closer by the minute – more future living, but I caught myself!  I understand, though, the wisdom of living the age I am this very day.  The wisdom, too, of walking though each minute of today, aware that each successive minute (or fraction thereof) that I live is all that there is of a life lived presently.

I can plan for the future, as Eckhart Tolle says in the Power of Now, but such planning is done in the present.  
 
What time do you have?

My dear Papa, help me to be mindful of each precious moment and fully experience each as the gift it is. Let the future unfold in your design, as it will. Amen.

Wren

With a little help from my friends...

Since I was a young girl, I've always had trouble asking for help. Trouble with homework? No, I'll handle it. Trying to move a chair? Nope, I can do it. To this day, I have trouble admitting when I need help.

It's so....revealing.

You see, I'm supposed to be an expert on everything. Have a question? I can find the answer. Need assistance finishing something? I can provide it or know who can. Have an obscure or trivial thought? I probably know it's origin!

My strength comes from independence and self-reliance - I CAN DO IT (she says as she rolls up her sleeves in a Rosy the Riveter pose). I not only don't need anybody to help me, dagnabbit, I can save their bacon too (even if it's only in Trivial Pursuit).

Go figure - I'm a know it all. Not.

This year has provided some of my biggest lessons. Being vulnerable. Asking for help. Squirming less and smiling more as I reach out my hand to take instead of give. Saying thank you. Submission.

Tomorrow I go in for surgery and will be vulnerable and needy for quite some time. Instead of feeling incomplete, missing vital parts of what makes me strong, I'll be strong in a different way - strong through submitting to the present - the here and now instead of the should be and has been. I'll gain strength by being in the moment, learning how to be interdependent instead of independent.

I'll be stepping out of this blog for a little while during my recovery. I've asked some good friends to fill in while I'm out and provide you their perspective on this journey we share together.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter and touch base with me while I recover. I'll be back in a few weeks.

Lord, thank you for my dear, sweet friends, rooting for my full recovery. Thank you for this beautiful web of interconnectedness in which we touch each other's souls. Over the next weeks, keep me cradled in your hands and blow your healing breath across my body and soul that I may heal in all ways. Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

Lazy Days of Comfort

I love the unfolding of spring into summer. Sweet scented orange blossoms caressing the evening breeze and floating through the window. Lilac blossoms bursting out in a brief frenzy of perfume. The return of the butterflies. Sitting in the garden and feeling the warm sunlight kissing my skin. My lullaby into warm darkness: hearing the comforting drone of a lawnmower in the distance as the last vestiges of evening sunlight slant across the yard and porch.

These are golden moments when time stands still.

Tick Tock Tick Tock,
Jumping over the hands of the clock
Grabbing the moment and hanging on
Gently, gently…drawing an eon…
Out of the well of time.

Is time flying for anyone else? I’ll be taking an extended leave from work toward the end of the month to recover from surgery. I’ll be suspended from my usual pursuits – work, household chores, walking around the city, meeting friends. I’ll be in suspension while I heal, a cocoon of gestation as my body emerges from limitations and pain to…recovery and discovery.

I’ll have plenty of time to experience the abundant nature we have in our yard. We’re at the end of the suburbs, not quite rural, but with fields adjoining our property. Our neighbors include mother horses with their frisky colts, jack rabbits and pheasants, garden snakes, bees, mice, a scrub jay who returns every year to our yard, hummingbirds and woodpeckers and many more feathered friends. We enjoy vegetable gardens, citrus and nut trees, grapes and berries, and a beautiful new maple tree my husband planted last month that will explode in crimson color in October. Things are usually pretty busy around here. I try to stop and actually take in the abundance we have rather than flying by in passing with an afterthought of “I should spend more time with this.”

Life finds a way of giving me what I want, in this case time to enjoy what I have, even if the method is unexpected and long and painful in manifesting. Oh, if you could only hear the sigh of relief and acceptance for what is unfolding drowning out the natural anxiety that accompanies injury.

How will you enjoy your summer?  I hope you'll slow down, if only for a moment.  You can find an eternity in a moment.

Beloved One, you who made this beautiful abundant world for us to enjoy in all its sensuousness, I surrender to my body, this instrument of experience my spirit resides in while here on this earth.

Majeeda Rosa

Viva la Résistance!

All week long I've had ideas about topics I'd like to write about. I had three ideas alone just driving over to the coffee shop this afternoon. And yet...

 

There's that pesky resistance, digging its heels in and crossing its arms.

 

I'm perplexed. I LIKE writing! Why avoid it? Well, let's see:

• I’m no expert - plenty of folks out there know more than I.
• I had an idea, then read about it on another blog.
• Why would talking about myself appeal to others? Seriously, how many people are reading this blog?

You get the idea. I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this - do you judge yourself into paralysis? The best way to tame my monster is to answer these questions.

 

There is so much to write about! And who's more knowledgeable than myself about fear and love, stumbling and learning? We all have expertise in that. I write about my journey through life as I peel away my layers of fear to expose, and live within, my authentic heart. I have to believe there’s some authority in that.

 

Oh man! Someone else just wrote about "my" idea - That's OK, I can take it and run with it anyway. I can use their material (with links and credit of course) to springboard my own thoughts on the subject. Sharing my love of learning includes connecting my readers with other experiences that help peel the fear away, help them live authentically. I remind myself that my input is about perception and not perfection.

 

This last one is always a tough one. Who cares? I care. I yearn to help others as much as myself. Sometimes helping myself IS helping others. Living by example - and failing and living some more by example - I hope to help others recognize their own sacred humanity as I recognize my own. Selfish? Maybe. I hope not. I find it scary, but good, right, and gratifying.

 

Finally, Gentle Reader, this is where I expose my soft, vulnerable, squirmy inner self: What do YOU get from my blog? I’d really like to read your comments on this.

Lord, thank you for courage. Thank you for friends. Thank you for the ability to self-reflect. Thank you for the hand that reaches out to grasp tightly during moments of vulnerability and uncertainty. Thank you for knowledge.

Majeeda Rosa

Who ya gonna call...

For a moment, play make-believe with me. I'll paint some hypothetical scenarios:

Your face is pressed against the side of a cliff, arms stretched taught as your weight drags each fingertip further from the edge and your feet flail for purchase on a ledge that isn’t there…

Do you ask for help?

The clock is ticking away. The classroom is stifling. You stare at the exam thinking, thinking…not thinking at all because your mind has gone blank…

Do you ask for help?

You’re at the mall and the parking lot is packed. You tap your fingers against the steering wheel, waiting for a parking spot to open up. Damn, you chipped a nail!

Do you ask for help?

I wouldn’t call these scenarios equal in desperation by any means. I’m curious, is there a threshold at which you shouldn’t ask for higher assistance? Is God bothered, like a busy parent, if you tug at his shirt too often? Do the angels have assignments with strict rules and capacity? Are some requests more worthy than others?

Hmmm…there I go thinking like a human again!

I have no idea who or what God is. I try not to impose human limitations on this higher consciousness I don’t and can’t understand. I still form opinions, of course. In my book, God and Love are synonymous and without constraint. Do I believe in angels? Yes, although again, I don’t understand who/what they are or how it all works. Angels have appeared in my life as unseen spirit guides, moments of synchronicity, and in human form during times of crisis.

Here’s a not-so-big secret: I have a parking lot angel. My husband and I kid about it, “have you been good today?” I have inordinate (not perfect) luck with very good parking spots. If I’m cranky and uptight…doesn’t happen. If I’m open and receptive, expectant even, the spot will open up right where I desire. I just have to ask.

I always say thank you. Gratitude is everything.

Remember: Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just because it’s a small request, doesn’t mean it’s not worthy.

Thank you for my parking spots. And thank you for not giving them to me every time.

Majeeda Rosa

Loose Lips Sink Ships

During World War II a common saying was, "Loose lips might sink ships."  The slogan was created during a campaign reminding people how important it was to mind what we say.  Our words could result in unintended and dire consequences.  Lives could be lost.

Very serious indeed.  "Loose lips sink ships."

For me, this slogan serves as a reminder about my word choices today.  Words have power, regardless of the children's rhyme...sticks and stones hurt, but we can use words to hurt ourselves or use them as the scaffolding of our thoughts and ideas and then as the bricks with which we build our lives.  Words shape our perception.

I often catch myself saying things like how "good" I was today because I exercised, or how "bad" I was because I hit the vending machine instead of the apple sitting on my desk.  Oh, I'll be "better" tomorrow!  Of course, this "always" happens...

I call this failspeak. It's so pervasive, it's amazing how often I use it.

But wait!  I have good news!  I'm aware that I'm using these words.  I know, it might not seem like much, but just being aware of the way I speak means I can change the words I use...change the power I wield.  Change my perception.

Abracadabra! Magic words.

Instead I can say I "chose" a different path today, or I "listened" to myself when I made this choice.  I can ask questions instead of make pronouncements about my choices: why did I do this today?  How did it make me feel?  How does doing that instead make me feel? Instead of a mother scolding a sulky and defeated child (also me!) I become the compassionate mother, enfolding the hurt and disappointed child in my arms (oh yes! much better!).  

Instead of fearing what I might become I love what I am. No forgiveness needed. No secular sin committed.

Divine Mother, take me in your loving arms and sooth my hurts so that I might see my true desires within my wounded heart.  Hold my hand and guide me over the rough stones that fall in my path.  Gently direct me toward loving self-forgiveness and clear sight. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa

Dream Talking

Do you listen to your dreams? What are they telling you?

I had wonderfully vivid dreams this week, downright fantastical. They had a thread of transformation running through them, even though the content of each had nothing in common. I rely on my dreams to help guide me. I'll commonly ponder a question at bedtime then put it out of my mind before I fall asleep. Then I let my subconscious take over.

Powerful thing that subconscious. Tricky too.

Dreams speak to us in powerful, primal ways. Start with the language. Your dream consciousness communicates with you in symbols specific to your way of thinking. Forget all those dream symbol books - use the associations you've formed with images. For instance, a spider may mean danger to someone else, but for me spiders in my dreams stand for annoying work problems that are crawling at the edge of my mind.

Dream language can be very literal. If you find yourself troubled because you're "playing the field" or "whistling Dixie" you may very well find yourself literally doing these actions in your dream! When I review a dream I always watch for a play on words and what it might represent.

Sometimes I'll keep a dream log to track a series of dreams. I might not always see the answer in a single dream. Like a deep discussion with a friend, sometimes it takes some digging to peel back the layers of the issue. Sometimes it takes some distance from the problem - writing down your dreams then coming back to them a week later can provide some insight not readily apparent at first glance.

Finally, sometimes dreams are just dreams, bits of flotsam and jetsam in the current of our minds helping us restore order.

Sometimes dreams are more than dreams. In that twilight place between conscious and unconscious a doorway opens. These dreams have a special vibrancy - receive them as the gift they are.

Dear Lord, you are the great communicator, finding hidden pathways to our heart. There is always a channel through your love for us to reach those who've passed. I will forever be grateful that through my waking resistance you opened a door for my beloved mother to ease my pain; a beautiful dream of my mother in glowing white telling me that everything is fine. Thank you for that moment of grace and hope.

Majeeda Rosa

Your Home is your Sanctuary

I'm enjoying my Spring cleaning week and time away from worklife. This week, I offer a house blessing, one I created for my friend "S" that you can adapt to your own needs. Use it any time you wish to enhance the joy in your own sanctuary!

And yes, you can adapt it to your workspace - I'd love to hear how you've used this in your own life!

S’s House Blessing

The house is “cleaned” by whisking stagnant and negative energy out the door with herbs and a fresh broom, working clockwise throughout the house.  Negative energies are asked to be released and those that are harmonious are asked to remain and be blessed.  

S is invited to call upon, greet, and invite any ancestors, deities or spirit guides to dwell in the house if they please. Prayers of goodwill are said in each room of the house. Candlelight is brought into each corner to illuminate any hidden areas.  Salt is placed on the threshold and the guardians of the home are asked to allow free entry to those who are invited by S, and to keep those who would do harm by word, thought or deed turned away.

Bread, wine and oranges are brought forth.
 
“A house is sentient, it has a heart and soul and eyes with which to see.  It has approvals, solicitudes and deep sympathies.  It is of you, and you live in its confidence and grace and within the peace of its benedictions.  Let this house welcome you and provide both joy when you wake within and comfort when you return from without.”
 
The bread is broken with a bit for each person in the room and a separate portion for the house.  “Let this bread be eaten that there may never be hunger within your walls.”
 
Wine is poured into cups for each person and the house.  “Let this wine be sipped that the richness of life is savored as it enters your windows.”
 
An orange section is offered to each person and the house.  “Let these oranges be enjoyed that the sweet gifts of friendship and happiness always lighten your threshold.”
 
“You who are the Master Builder, Mother of the Hearth and Father of Homecoming, Generous Provider of Sacred Space, bless S and the home in which she lives.  Thank you for the haven of hospitality she has discovered here.  Thank you for the shelter that protects her soul each night.  Thank you for the solace of this home which embraces, nurtures, sustains, and comforts her.  Bless the foundation upon which she walks, the walls that surround, the roof that covers, the windows that enlighten, and the threshold that welcomes her.  May the peace and plenty she so richly shares with others be her daily portion.  May those she invites into her life and within these walls feel the light and happiness of this home. Thank you for this sanctuary, this House of Belonging.”
 
Finish the offerings and leave the home’s portion out, then offer it to the yard birds and trees sheltering your home the next day.

Well come!

Majeeda Rosa

Hooray for Spring Cleaning!

Next week is Spring cleaning for me. Each March I schedule time off from work to play "catchup" with my household chores. I treasure this week. I think everyone should make time for Spring cleaning!

Ahem. Do I detect raised eyebrows? I'll explain.

This week is cathartic for me, a time to shake the dusty hand of Winter off my shoulder and grab the young hand of Spring for a game of crack the whip. It's a time of activity that reaches into all aspects of my life. Spring cleaning makes room for fresh ideas and welcomes good chi.

I make THE LIST. Oh no! Expectations! I have to check everything off to succeed! I'll never accomplish this.

Back the truck up, Jack!

My list is about focus. I treat it like a treasure map so that I don't lose my way during this precious time I've set aside. Each item on the list is a jewel I can choose to select or not, at my whim. The list has tasks for every aspect of my life: physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. Many of the tasks address more than one facet. Sweeping the floor can be just as spiritual as refreshing my alter. Dancing with a friend can serve both emotional and physical selves.

At the end of this special week, I'll conclude with a house blessing ritual. I'd like to share that with you next time, just in case you'd like to join me. For now...

Giver of life and joy, thank you for this sacred time. As I renew myself, so do I renew my faith in you. Guide my hand as I make my house a home and rediscover my passion for being on this earth, in this place and time. Thank you for all my senses, so that I may appreciate this life fully.

Majeeda Rosa

How's Your Bubble?

How's your "life bubble" - that comfortable space consisting of practices, people, and opinions that form your reality? We all live in one. It's comfortable. Familiar. Expected: if THIS, then THAT...knowable. We're experts, anthropologists of our own bubble world.

Or are we?

Like any good scientist, this anthropologist needs to conduct some observations. Maybe run some experiments. The native is restless.

Hmmm...do I detect a loss of territory? Have my experiences to date led me to limiting beliefs? Are there concepts and opinions that have become "facts" within my bubble world? Do I discount any challenges to my facts as exceptions to the rule? How about "can't" and "won't" - have they grown like invasive Kudzu? Why "can't" I?

It's hard to challenge reality, uncover the uncomfortable.

The thing I'm most scared of is that there's no such thing as a little change. What if my bubble bursts? Everything expected and knowable is gone. How do you get comfortable with that?

God, in your unfathomable expansiveness, open my mind. Let me gather my thoughts and conclusions not as flowers to collect, but seeds to plant so that they continue to grow. Bless me with foresight learned from experience and judgment that expands with perspective. Help me be comfortable with not knowing and experience the moment for what is rather than what I want it to be. Amen.

It only takes 10 minutes to change your life

Wow, that's quite a promise.  I can hear the spirit of Billie Mays right now..."You, too, can achieve A-mazing results in only 10 minutes a day..."

Operators are standing by.

I mentioned in the last blog that injury has been slowing me down, allowing me to evaluate bits and pieces of my life - what I thought my life should be versus what it is.  Pain has been a great motivator for intraspection.  One of the changes that emerged was writing this blog.  Another recent change has been stretching and improving my flexibility...REALITY CHECK...it's more about keeping the limited flexibility that I have rather than improving it.

In my eagerness to get over my back injury, I joined a yoga class.    I got a physical therapist's release notice. I worked with the yoga instructor to modify my positions.  The group sessions were almost an hour and a half.  I knew better, but tried to keep up.  By the third session, I was experiencing muscle spasms and spinal cord entrapment all over again, thankfully not as severe as in the autumn, but significant.

I decided to honor my body's message and bowed out of the class.  For 15 days my new yoga routine was stretch gently, ice back and butt, sit up straight, lay down, groan. Stand and rock from side to side.  Repeat hourly.

Is all lost?  No.  I learned many things. I still practice Yoga, but it's not about the positions. It's about Mindfulness.  Simplicity.  Breathing.  Honoring....and it's about the positions.

I wake up about 20 minutes earlier now.  I use the Zen timer on my IPad to chime the minutes for a 10-minute session.  I start in child's pose, my forehead on the ground, gently feeling my body relax into my back.  I slowly move from one floor position to another, the positions I know will honor my body, ending in the corpse pose, arms relaxed and palms up, heart wide open.

I've only done this for two days.  I missed the routine this morning when I woke up late.

God, how I missed it!  Only two days, ten minutes each day, and I crave it - it was THAT good and it lasted all day.  It doesn't take much to change.  Just listen.

Lord, help me to keep honoring myself each day.  Help me to remember the feel of each action, each thought, each feeling that empowers me.  Thank you for using my body as another vehicle to communicate with me.  Gently remind me to listen and live in my higher self.  Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

The Enemy of Good is Perfect

It's been a few weeks. I made a commitment to myself that I would post this blog weekly. The occasional delay...acceptable.

OMG. I've missed two weeks. I almost didn't write tonight; the gaping absence of postings was building into a blanket of undesirable "shoulds."

How hard it is to live up to my own expectations. I hold myself to a higher standard in ways I would never expect from someone else under the same conditions. I wind up practicing catastrophic thinking and use the "F" word:

FAILED

Thpppt! Get over it! Failure? Let's try a different F-word:

Forgiveness

I've had good reason to be distracted this month, illness and injury. Time to practice self-compassion. How do I practice it for others? I put myself in their shoes...since I'm already there, the next best thing is to step out of them! A little objectivity is good for this situation.

Majeeda, relax. Every commitment has an escape clause, it's called humanity. Sometimes you're going to fall down. In the falling we learn about ourselves. In the getting-back-up we learn about ourselves. In the doing of whatever we strive toward, we put the puzzle pieces of our destiny together until that destiny becomes clear. Every action, every moment, every thought counts. There is no failure, only striving. Do what you are meant to do.

Wow. Sometimes I give some really good advice to myself :)

Thank you Great Mother of us all. Your guidance is so needed and so appreciated. Thank you for opening my mind and heart so that I may listen carefully to your words and live them. Forgiveness. Compassion. Love. Destiny.

Majeeda Rosa

Practicing Reverse Voodoo

Sometimes I feel like I have all these little drains slowly seeping my strength away.  Just little holes poked in in my energy field.  In my day-to-day life I’m not really aware of them.  Each time a poke happens, the hole is barely noticeable, just a little jab quickly brushed away in most cases. 

Over time, these little drains add up.  This week I realized how tired I am and how much effort I’ve actually been putting into each of those little jabs…ruminating about old stuff on the way to work…disturbing, angry dreams at night. 

It’s time for me to perform a little reverse voodoo. 

Uh oh…we’re going to get a little freaky now…well, not really.

Reverse voodoo is finding all the “pin holes” in myself and pulling the “pin” out.  These pins are old wounds, unfinished business, what-I-should-have-saids, misunderstandings, worries about the future, and other thoughts that steal my energy.  Many of these things are really nothing (I say to myself), so why do I still wander there? 

Carolyn Myss says it best: we have a limited amount of energy “currency” in the here and now – how much are we spending it in the past?  What does that leave us with to use in the present?  Don’t give your energy away on “stuff”!

I pull out the pins by asking myself a few questions, usually on paper:

• When my mind wanders into old grievances or hurts, where does it go?
• When I’m there, how do I feel?
• Why do I feel that way?
• How does feeling this way help me today?
• Can I consciously let go of this?

There’s nothing like a little ritual to help the mind really grasp what you want it to do.  I take the papers, one for each energy drain, and say a little prayer out loud while I (safely) burn each one, addressing these thoughts and emotions:

Thank you for serving me in my time of need.  You’ve provided a lesson in who I am as well as who I am not.  You’ve shaped my thoughts and at the time of your creation protected me.  Because of you I’ve grown.  Your use has passed.  Through God’s grace, leave me now.

I inhale a great breath and let it out in peace, refreshed.

Majeeda Rosa

A Perfect Day

Sometimes I go through life too fast. I feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel, going through the motions of life. I’m programmed to get up at a certain time, go to work on certain days, have certain expectations of what my goals should be...

Oh boy. There’s that word – SHOULD

Have you ever noticed that when you capitalize it, SHOULD looks like SHROUD?

I have to be careful of SHOULDs. It’s not that SHOULDs are bad, only that I need them in the right balance. Yes I SHOULD go to work…because I not only need the money, I also enjoy many aspects of my career. I SHOULD exercise…because if I’m not healthy and fit I won’t live the life I want to experience.

The real question is: How many times do I think I should do or think [fill in the blank] and it takes a bite out of my personal power instead of enriching it? Life may be speeding by in a grey blur because my SHOULDs are mistaken for WANTS, and my NEEDs are mistaken for SHOULDs. It’s a topsy-turvy world I live in.

Time to get my head on straight.  What would a perfect day look like, one that honors my soul?

Holy Sophia, fill me with wisdom, help me define the actions and thoughts that feed my soul. Let me bring them to light, recognize them and live them. Enable me to discern between true needs and distractions, passion versus fancy. Empower me in every sense to manifest the gifts you’ve so graciously provided. Thank you.

Majeeda Rosa

Resistance is Futile

This has been a week of grinching, gnashing teeth and banging head. Bad things have happened. Sad things have happened. Misunderstandings and resistance seem to be the actions of the day. Polarization of thought, both in politics and personal life, has occurred repeatedly.

And amongst all this… a simple kindness.

The power of a simple kindness is amazing. At work, my cube mate brought us pretty little flowers. I’ve been so cheered every time I look at them. They calm me down. I’m reminded that nothing is so frantic or important that a simple cup of cheer – whether tea or flowers – shouldn’t be enjoyed. A little touch of grace amidst the chaos.

They remind me to be kind to myself as well as others.

I took a moment to enjoy the flowers. I began to actually notice little scraps of quotes and prayer I keep pinned to my wall, the rosary I made with rose petal beads for my mother many years ago, the cinnamon and checkered tail feather of a flicker I found on a walk. Among the pinnings, I have a card I bought in Glastonbury many years ago; it says:

Just BE

One of the shortest and most profound prayers I can follow.

Take care my friends, and remember the little kindnesses.

Majeeda Rosa

I have an anger management problem

I have an anger management problem. I’m afraid of being angry. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control. My face flushes and my thoughts scatter as I fumble to defend my stance. I find myself polarizing on my position in defense or remaining silent and frustrated, then venting later. When I’m in an argument, it’s almost as if I get amnesia after the fact – I can’t remember what I said or what happened. I feel dumb and defenseless, literally!

I was raised not to express anger. Anger was “talking back.” Anger was “bad.” I can still remember being struck mute when I was asked, “Why didn’t you do __, and don’t tell me you forgot.” Of course, I forgot. How many times did I want to explain but couldn’t? My sister, on the other hand, didn’t have any problem expressing her anger. The constant struggle between her and my parents was the overriding force of my childhood. It was best for me to be quiet and unnoticed.

Have I grown out of old habits of metaphorically hiding? Somewhat, but it took decades. Do I feel like I have an adult grasp of anger? Nope, I’m still struggling. Sometimes I feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth between “too little” and “too much” – like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to figure out what’s “just right.”

So what constitutes healthy anger management? How do I defend myself in confidence? Rather, how do I come from a place of confidence instead of defense?

Dear Lord, thank you for helping me grow. Open my mind so that I can value my position and listen to others. Help me absorb other viewpoints so that I may enrich my outlook. Coax me away from resisting and clinging to information that’s incomplete. With respect and humbleness, show me how to defend my opinions and hold them at equal value to others’. Amen.

Majeeda Rosa