Magic or Materialism?

This morning, my usual cashier and I exchanged Christmas greetings when I pulled up to the Starbucks drive through. She told me that she and her boyfriend were having a contest to see who would get the most presents.

At lunch time, I drove past the mall and was dismayed by the honking congestion three lanes deep. Drivers disregarded the lights and parked in the intersections while a man on the corner held a scrap of cardboard that read, “PLEASE can U help.”

When did Christmas become an obscenity? What is it about this compulsion called Christmas that leads to guilt and anxiety, for families to fight over expectations, for people to go into debt and throw up their hands cursing the whole business?

Where’s the magic?

Dear Lord, PLEASE can U help?

Stop. Listen. What does my heart say?

I enjoy Christmas best when I remember why I celebrate it, not just as a time representing the birth of Christ, but as a time to celebrate Hope and the true nature within our soul – Love and Joy. We, ourselves, are the true magic of Christmas.

Each time we celebrate a holiday tradition, corny or classy, we celebrate the Love that brings us together. When we break our routine to do something different, whether singing songs with friends or decorating our houses with lights, we’re making magic. When we give a gift to each other, the gift is actually our heart wrapped up in pretty paper, vulnerable and open. Magic.

Beloved, thank you for this time of year when we look through the cracks of our normal life and see You within us.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Majeeda Rosa

Ugh! That little negative voice

“Nobody cares what you have to say.”

“You always start and never finish. Why bother?”

“You’re going to FAIL…AGAIN.”

I have a little demon in my head named M2. She’s constantly picking on me, pointing out how I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough…not “enough.” She’s non-stop. She’s never satisfied and always has something to piss-on about. Sometimes she takes over my mouth and not just my mind – I hear her complaining to my husband, a friend, a coworker. Sheesh, shut up already!

If I heard anyone having a conversation like this with a so-called friend, I’d tell them to drop them like a bad habit. The only problem is that habits are there for a reason. All habits have a payback. So the question I really have to ask is:

What am I getting out of this self-sabotage?

If I “can’t do it” then I don’t have to put out the effort. In essence, I blame someone else for not accomplishing the task because it’s “out of my hands” and the universe has deemed it that way. If it’s not my responsibility then no one can blame me if it doesn’t turn out perfect because “I told you I couldn’t do it.” Someone might denigrate my accomplishment (that is, denigrate me). If I accomplish something, someone might expect more from me. Wow, “more” is a lot of pressure.

Then why do I feel so guilty and defeated?

Because I’m denying myself something I crave…self respect….pride in my accomplishment…the joy of something that feeds my soul. Is it truly that hard to allow myself to shine?

God, help me to open my eyes to the “chatter” and recognize it for its falseness. Help me see and remember those things that bring me true, soul-satisfying joy and let them serve as a shield against the negative programming in my head. Please send your angels to help me so that I can use those gifts with which you've blessed me.

Majeeda Rosa

I have my doubts

Some days I wonder, is there really some sentient omniscient being or thing out there, something or someone who actually gives a damn about us? Is prayer and ritual and all the motions we go through just a distraction or do they really mean something?

Sometimes I have to dig deep to believe.

I practice Reiki, an energy healing modality that relies on the belief of something more powerful than ourselves, a self-directed, universal power. Personally this is my perception of God, not the patriarch we've made in our own image, rather something mysterious and beyond our ability to grasp during this life. When I'm practicing Reiki, sometimes I feel incredible loving energy coursing through my hands. Other times I feel nothing - I ask myself, is this all in my head? And yet the person receiving the energy will report vivid colors or heat or a sense of incredible well-being. Sometimes they report nothing.

What's the difference between perception and reality? If you ask a quantum physicist, he or she will likely tell you "not much." Our perception shapes reality.

Sometimes you have to believe before you can see. Does doubt undermine faith? I think it makes it stronger. The days that I doubt are the days that I remember moments of grace, the little bits of evidence I rely on to bolster my faith.

And yet...

Beloved, help me judge with my heart and not my mind. When I'm tense and uncertain, open my heart so that I can feel your love. Send your messengers into my life so that I am reminded that I am not alone. Help me to walk in love and not fear so that I may feel your grace everyday.

Sharing my doubts and my love with you,

Majeeda Rosa